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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2007.08.08  13.03 10 things that need to be said.... So, on December 22, 2005 I posted this little thing "10 THINGS THAT NEED TO BE SAID" I thought, why don't I make a new list.... surely these 10 things have changed for me. 2005.12.22 22.39 10 Things that need to be said.... 1. Feminism is for everyone. 2. Emily Kloc is so much cooler than me. 3. 3 am isn't really THAT late. 4. Cunt shouldn't be such a bad word. 5. I'm obsessed with feminism apparently. [hence the 2 feminist comments]. 6. Borders Chai is way better than Paneras. 7. Hood College's finance dept. is kind of screwed up. 8. Don't put your cell phone through the dryer. 9. Drum machines are cool. and #10: I like to chew on guitar picks. The New List: 1.  Harry Potter is cool, by Ron and Hermione are so much better (especially in the books). 2.  My love of music is NOT situational.  No matter how often I play guitar, I love it as much as the day before. 3.  I hate it when my hands get dry from foam soap. 4.  I'm terrible at keeping in contact with old friends. 5.  I get bored with my life easily. 6.  I should really change my oil on time - my car sounds like hell. 7.  My brother is trying - and I should give him some more credit... but not too much. 8.  Ani DiFranco is still a guitar goddess - but I miss her not playing shows. 9.  Am I crazy that i am really considering moving to England? 10.  I've been drinking more diet soda than regular.  I've become my father.

	2007.07.13  09.56 It's been pretty much forever since I have written in the journal. This isn't because I neglect to come here while web-browsing. It's because I never really know what to write. It's like, this place should really be just a place for me to write, but it's more of a place for me to keep touch with a few people. So anyways, I was sitting here in the radio station office, doing some work for the radio, and I kind of felt like I should write something here. Apparently it's been 30 weeks since I have written ANYTHING... ha that's great. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ So I've been reading alot lately. Which is nice. I started this summer reading a book called "Truth" (I forget the authors name off the top of my head). But he's writing about why there must be some universal truths, and that not everything is subjective or merely human preception. It's something I've been thinking alot about, because I snear ar moral subjectivism. To me, it's what creates more trouble for everyone - even more than closed mindedness. Many people believe that allowing everyone to be truly subjective encourages 'liberal thinking.' This allows everyone to be who they want to be without bias. Although I am an extreme advocate for people choosing their own lifestyles, which I believe does not fall under a universal truth, somethings are universal. The fact that human life is sacred is universal. We must treat one another with the same respect we wish to be treated. I know this sounds like a pretty elementary idea - and it is, but if we lose universality, what stops some people from being "better" than others. And then, what is "better?" Sure, some may say that this is a reality - the rich are better, the beautiful are better... and some may even say that men are better. But just because an idea exists doesn't mean that it SHOULD exist. So what we believe to be better is only socially created. The idea of what is better is not a universal. (obviously this must be true since every culture as their own idea of 'better.') By taking away the universal idea that human beings are equal, no matter what, actually PROMOTES what we consider to be "liberal thinking". This allows the poor to have the same abilities as the rich... perhaps in health care, university and career selection. Not because the poor subjectively think they are as good, but because we know that a poor person has the same capabilities as the rich person, simply because he is in fact A PERSON. It seems to me that in this way, complete subjectivity stop us from perceiving others as equally worthy - it allows some to say that one is the master, and one is the slave. And guess what, the one with more money (at least in our capitalistic society) is the one who makes the rules. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next I read "Rules for Hearts" by Sara Ryan (www.sararyan.com), then "Boy Meets Boy" by something Levithan. ( Can't remember his first name). Now I am re-reading "perk of being a wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. One of my favorite books. That's my rant for now... see ya in 30 more weeks I guess.

	2006.12.13  18.05 I'VE BEEN NUDGED So, an ol' friend nudged me to say that I haven't updated in 16 weeks. Yeah this is true. Actually I thought it would have been more tbh. So It was the first day of finals today. I took the german civ at 2:00... I think it went alright. My computer is being a butthole and stopped working, so Rach and I have to share for now. I am moving to shriner next semester for only a semester - 2nd floor. Then to Meyran next year. I'm getting out of the german house. ANi Difranco is having a baby. Thats whats going around charly world. Later

	2006.08.18  10.53 yes it's time for word association folks... I wanted to do a word association. but there are only 3 things I can think of. They mostly all have to do with rachel, and things have been hard lately. Not because of us, but beacuse of the distance, and the phone. I just want to see her and have things back to normal. I have been so sad and depressed because I hate being at my house, and I want Rachel to be happy with school, but I also want her at Hood college because I miss her too damn much when we aren't together. I will live though. And if she tranfers she will be a happier girl. And that will make me a happier girl. I love you Rachel. :) I want to speak german and I hope that things will work out this semester. Maybe I can finally open up a bit and stop hindering my german by being nervous. I feel stupid in class, especially because everyone seems to catch on a whole lot faster - or maybe they are just good at b.s. Either way I feel like the odd one out. I am really excited about going back to Hood college, because I get to see rachel, I get to be away from my house, I get to see alot of cool people like Julie and Will, and I get to live a life that is mine; right now my soul is owned by Marshalls, my brother, and the phone. No more of that shit. No more of sadness. No more of doing things because I feel forced to do them. I can be with my love and learn about things I am interested in, eat crappy food in the dining hall, and stay up late hanging out with friends and studying - I love this life. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.

	2006.08.18  10.41 A Tribute to the Great and Wonderful SARAH GILMOUR Sarah Gilmour, a girl with ambition, a love for Africa and a talent for being a rockin' chic is sadly leaving us soon. Where is she going, you may ask? Why yes, France. We will miss her like uhh crazy! so Sarah, I bid you adieu, and I hope you have a fantastic time. Expect some letters from me, and don't get too attached. We will want you back in a year. If i have to fight some frenchies off, I will. :) Bye Bye my lovely friend.

	2006.07.26  21.56 it's frederick... why can't i live in frederick...

	2006.07.15  08.13 wtf mate?

	2006.06.23  12.39 work is fantastic I love customer service.... Old Lady: "Hi, do you carry vibrators?" Me: [pause] uhhh, come again? [puzzled look on face] Old Lady: Vibrators? Me: [even more puzzled looked] Old Lady: You know, to massage your back with? Me: OHHHHHH.... uhhh... No we don't. What the fuck would you have thought? omg.... I love Marshalls customers.

	2006.05.21  16.42 blah i miss hood college damnit. damnit. damnit. damnit. damnit. i miss my girlfriend. how pathetic am i?

	2006.04.23  10.38 so long.... zu spät? It's been quite a while since I've updated. I mean, I guess I could just tell you all what's happend, but I think that would end upi getting boring. That's not to say that things suck or anything. They don't. I'm pretty damn happy. Which is a nice change from previous periods in my life. I am some what upset about going home though. I really don't want to leave Hood and go back to reality. Being at college is a nice way to be away from the stresses of home life. Yeah sure, school is stressful. But a completely different [more adaptable] kind of stressful than being at home. Atleast for me. Ok so that was my update. c-ya in 2 more months, livejournal.

	2006.03.01  19.33 to someone else..... I love you so much. I think that pretty much says exactly how I feel when I think about you. Thank you. Mood: melancholy

	2006.03.01  19.27 huh? I don't quite understand why you don't want to talk to me. It kind of scares me. I'm worried about you. I don't understand why you told me not to push everyone away, but then do the same thing? I mean OK, yes, I feel as though I had a reason to get away, so I presume you do as well. But, I don't even know why you are doing that. Maybe you aren't pushing everyone away, maybe you are just pushing me away. I guess if you need to do that, then OK. It's OK with me. But, I still don't understand. Why don't you want to talk to me? :( I want to be there for you. Remember that, please. Mood: melancholy

	2006.02.18  11.40 whats up yo? I think the question this week is, "What the fuck is going on?". I think I've recently entered the Hood college time continuum/black hole. I'm not quite sure yet though. I mean, I like this black hole, don't get me wrong. It's seems that everyone around me hates it though. Maybe they should spend 2 years at HCC in hagerstown, and then tell me how they feel!? I like Hood. Sure, sometimes it's a bitch to get anything done around here. And the dining hall food is starting to get old. But, life is great. I'm tired of having to complain about things simply because everyone else is. I know, I know, no one is making me complain. it's just that, when someone around you is telling you all the bad things about a place, you start agreeing, or perhaps feeling as though you SHOULD agree. I feel like I'm getting a decent education [possibly because this semester I have amazing professors]. NEXT TOPIC: I'm sorry to everyone these past two weeks Ive blown off. Stress - sickness - new people - and just being plain tired doesn't help either. Shani's been stressed, and I've barely seen her. I know, i'm kind of a bitch. I don't know how to not be one right now though, which is sad and ridiculous. I've realized how bad I am at prioritizing. I constantly procrastinate. But, I always get everything done eventually. EVENTUALLY is the key term. NEXT TOPIC: To my upset friends: [which would include Laura, Liz and Sarah... among others I'm sure]... hang in there guys. I don't have IDEA whats going on, and I really don't want to know. But I know it's something. I'll be here for you guys in any ways I can without getting involved. :) ugh... even though I'm sick, and I can't see.... I feel really good emotionally. :) It's gonna be a good semester. Mood: excited Music: the sounds in the 24 hour computer lab

	2006.02.15  10.02 shit is goin down So some shit is going down, apparently. I'm glad I'm not involved, but some of my friends seem to be really stressed and upset. I hope they're OK. Damn. It seems like this is the semester from hell. I have my Logic test today and I'm not going to do too well on it. But, I kind of don't care all that much. CRAZY.

	2006.02.02  10.58 holla! Well, I'm waiting for lunch to start because I'm so fricking hungry, so I thought I'd update. What a strange evening last night was. I can't really go into details, but so many crappy things happend. I had some insane vivid dreams that seemed to solve all the problems I had. When I woke up, I thought they had actually happend. [which is ironic because we were talking about this on Phil class yesterday]. But then I realized they were all dreams, and got UBER upset. I'm cool now though. Things seemed to have blown over abit, and I've decided I'm going to have a good day. :) In good news, Anna finally got her package!!! [she's in spain]. So that's cool. I sent her a christmas present, pretty late I might add, but it made it there ok. I wonder if Jutta got her's yet in Germany. If not, she will very soon I suppose. School's been a bit stressful, but I'm liking all the work. I am a bit behind though in my readings which sucks coz I really like the subjects. I have to go home today to get my paycheck, which is going to be very little. I only worked one day last week. Oh well, it's better than nothing. I have my credit card bill to pay, and I have no idea where that money is gonna come from. I guess I'll survive! Hope things are going well for everyone! Have a great day!

	2006.01.30  13.03 yup PHILOSOPHY RULES! well, atleast it should, because that's all i'll be reading this semester. in all fairness, i really like dr. hoffman. she's one cool feminist chic. feminist rock my socks. but cool feminist. not ones that are crazy and want to kill men. we need men. men are important for procreation, not to mention that some of them are pretty cool. i should make a list of cool guys i know: 1. Eric [faux-hawk boy] 2. Alex U 3. Mike 4. Ben 5. Chuck 6. Noe 7. Mark ok so i'm sure i could think of some more if i wanted to. it's funny, my guy friends have really usual names. interesting. Music: nichts

	2006.01.21  19.09 back to school I just moved in. I'll post pics soon of the room. I'm excited. Kelsey is a cool chic. this semester will be fun! Mood: crazy Music: Ani Difranco - Shameless

	2006.01.06  21.57 This weeks' events.... Wednesday night Laura and I met Sarah and some of her friends in DC [oder Georgetown viellicht] to see the Post Secret exhibit [www.postsecret.com]. my reaction: wow. So many secrets. Everyone of those postcards represents a person. Most of the time, people with whom I share a secret. I laughed alot. If it weren't for the crowd I would have cried. I felt liberated and controlled. The secrets were out there for all to see, but not accepted by all. Sarah and I read alot of them together - it was really nice to be there with her because I know we were seeking some of the same secrets. I, at least, needed validation that my secrets are worth something. And I found out that they are. I feel lucky to have had this experience. OK nothing really that great has happend since then, I worked alot. Sarah leaves for Africa tomorrow. So I want to wish her luck [even though I already have a few times]. I won't talk to her or see her until school starts, which is kind of sad because we've gotten into a habit of talking everyday online. But - I know she's going to have an awesome time! :) Tomorrow I'm going to see Rhiannan. I think we're going to go to Fredneck. Maybe we'll make a nice walk to Downtime, my new favorite cafe, thanks to Sarah and Emily. It will be really nice because Rhiannan and I know alot about each other, but we never get to hang out and just goof around [except at work]. Right now I'm secretly waiting for you, to get online. Because I really want to talk to you. But I don't want to call. I wish you could read my mind. Mood: creative Music: Ani DiFranco - Sunday Morning

	2006.01.02  15.01 something stupid... like I.Q. Work in an hour. Should be pretty busy but that's OK. It should go by fast. I'm off work tomorrow! Which is pretty awesome. I think I'm gonna be hangin' with Erica and Bridgette. Erica and I went to Carpenter's World of Music today to take back her recording device she got for christmas because it didn't work. We worked on getting it to function correctly for 5-6 hours the other night. So we took it back, and the guy who owns the store is such an asshole. He's always been an asshole. Everyone knows him to be an asshole. So guess what - he was an asshole. He had decided that Erica and I didn't know how to hook it up. Which is funny because all you need is a frickin USB cable. So I had a nice afternoon :) hehe Actually, I went and walked around the mall by myself for a while. And people watched. I realized how more independent I am now. I used to HATE going somewhere in public with alot of people alone. But now I prefer it. It's really nice. OK well I need to go get ready for work. I'll finish updating later...

	2006.01.01  14.07 Sunday, lazy sunday. Last night was cool. After spending some time with Emily, [and buying a new Ani CD!] I went to Erica's just about 11:30. Really suber uber late. Anyways, I hung out with Dan, Erica, Bridgette, Holly, Alison, Jeremiah, and 2 others I don't know there names. Erica's dad but off fireworks right at 12. I ate some texmex then went home. I read, wrote an e-mail then finally got all cozy in my bed. This morning I woke up about 9:00 and went to church at 10. Got there, and didn't see Erika, Chuck or the Ernst. So I got kind of sad because I was excited to see Erika. I finally saw Erika's dad, and he said that Autumn didn't sleep too well that night, and hence Erika and Chuck didn't either. I sat with Erika's dad. I got home, worked on a recording, and I'm just chillin' out now. I'm actually watching People's Court. Ha, I love it. Tonight - I might stop by Erika's house to see Autumn, since it's been a week or so. And with this kids that age, they chnage so fast. She could be reading for all I know! hehe. Then I'll go to Linz's house because we have alot of talking to do. hopefully I'll have some good food today. I think I'll end up eating 3 dinners: My house, Erika's and then Linz's. Hopefully Donna doesn't get too upset when i can't eat dessert! hehe. Until later.... Mood: cheerful Music: Ani Difranco - Dilate

	2005.12.31  02.07 jumping on bandwagons is my speciality. ~January~ 1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? yes. I stopped saying G**damnit. Although I did slip 3 times, all of which were while driving. 2. If so, what was it and did you go through with it? yup. 3. Does it snow where you live? yeah. 4. Do you like hot chocolate? its OK, but I prefer Chai tea. 5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? Nope. ~February~ 1. Who was your valentine this year? Jacob. 2. What did you get your valentine? I don't remember. that's shitty. 3. What did your valentine get you? A rose. 4. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class? Yeah... only the losers didn't buy valentines.. hehe ~March~ 1. Are you Irish? yup. 2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day? Sometimes, when I rememeber to. 3. What did you do for St. Patty's day? Uhhh... i probably went to class, and then to work. the usual. ~April~ 1. Do you like the rain? yeah usually. unless its cold rain. 2. Did you play an April Fool's joke on anyone this year? yes, some at work. but i don't remember what we did exactly. 3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter? a bit. my mom usually gave me and my brother money or little gifts. ~May~ 1. What's your favorite kind of flower? sunflowers 3. Do you like the spring? Yes alot. Spring is probably my favorite time of year. 4. Finish the phrase: April showers bring may flowers, and May flowers bring.... stress. 5. What would you think of as a spring color? bright green. ~June~ 1. What year did you graduate from school? 2003! I'm gettin old. 2. Did you go on any vacations during June? Yeah. NC with the family. ~July~ 1. What did you do on the 4th of July? Went to Antietam Battlefield with Erika, Chuck, Larry and Linz to see fireworks and hear the Maryland Synphony Orchestra play. 2. Would you consider yourself patriotic? nope. not at all really. 3. Did you go on any vacations during this month? nope. but i DID go on lots of road trips. ~August~ 1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer? birthday trip to OC with erica, bridgette and Dan. 2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05? OC on my birthday, and driving down to NC with erica. we had a blast. 3. Did you go swimming a lot in the summer? nah. not too too much. a few times in NC. 4. Did you go to the beach a lot? twice. ~September~ 1. Did you attend school/college in '05? yuppers... 2. Who is/was your favorite teacher? I HAVE to say mr. devilbiss. for certain reasons. 3. Do you like fall better than summer? yes... i like the clothes better anyways, and the awesome colors of nature. ~October~ 1. What was your favorite Halloween costume ever? dorothy of the wizard of oz. 2. Do you still go trick or treating? no 3. What's your favorite candy? anything hard and fruit flavored. 4. What did you dress up like this year? a mother fucking clown. i dunno what i was thinking. ~November~ 1. Whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving? mine 2. Do you like stuffing? yeah but just alittle bit. 3. What are you thankful for? my friends. they are amazing. ~December~ 1. Do you celebrate Christmas? yup 2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? nope 3. What do you want this year for Christmas? lap top or an ipod. or possibly a new guitar, but thats a few down on the list. 4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas? The painting erica made me this year for christmas. i cried when she gave it to me. 5. Do you like cold weather? not really... ~What is your favorite holiday? i don't have one. ~How did you celebrate New Years (2004-2005)? i went to westminster to pick you kelly from work, then drove to frederick to see the ball drop with jacob, niki, bishop and kelly. had a good time.

	2005.12.29  17.43 ...... I'm a doubting Thomas. Oh me of little faith. Mood: apathetic

	2005.12.28  17.56 my evil eye and your crazy mouth. Let's get over each other. So that we can fall inlove again.

	2005.12.26  22.29 words connect to other words through experience. money is funny. stereotypical. i hate stereotypes. meaghan. hurt my feelings. pretend it didn't. drive into scary place. car won't idle. home doesn't feel like home. cold. always cold. heart hurts. still smile. online. friends. friends. friends. emily. erika. sarah. emily. emily. emily. thank you. want to tell you more. more. more. more. more. more. more. more. more. this makes sense to me. heathir gave me 60 cents. bought coke. addiction. don't think i'm crazy. i'm random. thats all.

	2005.12.26  00.17 sexism sucks I'm currently reading "Feminism is for Everybody" by Bell Hooks. I'd suggest anyone who has any interest in sexism towards females AND males to read this book. Ms. Hooks explains very well how REAL feminist are interested not in domination over males, but for equality. She also stomps on the sterotypes of feminists: they are not always lesbians or man-haters. They can infact be men! I feel at times that a judgement is placed on me when I mention oh so quietly that I am in fact a feminist. I am not the stereotype. I do not want to be grouped or labeled. I am not interested in that. I want to be proud of my gender. Because, I love being a woman. I love what women, as a gender, are about: emotional and strong. This is not an oxymoron. Our society says that women are emotional, and men are strong. I say why can't we be both. Why can't women be stronger, and men be more emotional. it is happening. Things are changing. Hopefully they continue to. Be informed. Mood: accomplished Music: Mates of State - A Control Group